I’m getting quite sick of myself. Sick of the way I think, sick of the way I do things and sick of the way I am. Just like what I’m doing now.
I think some forms of dancing are, for lack of a better word, stupid. How hard can it be to gyrate your butt multiple times? All you need is that, and to be born with a good face. I think, in this current society, it’d enable you to take over half the world.
PE today was good. Ran 8 rounds in total. 2 for warm up, then 1, 2 and 3 rounds within certain time limits. I think I should push myself harder, but I don’t know when overboard is what it is.
This post contains no photos. I do not know whether my Mom brought back the laptop. It has infrared. So many photos, I owe.
Drama tomorrow at 8. I think it’s a tad early. We hardly get enough sleep as it is. Ah well, all for SYF. 
It will pay off, I hope. Somtimes, I just wish Mr. Whitby would not act as if we were doing the worst job in the world and that we couldn’t possibly be better than any given entity.
I feel sorry for Diana sometimes. She has a difficult job, being the one to co-ordinate everything. The problem with us is that we all come from different CCAs and have different priorities. Ideally, everyone would put drama on the top of the list, but life just isn’t like that. I think everyone should be pre-warned of the demands of SYF. Some tried out only because they were “forced” to, but they got in just the same. These people are least likely to place SYF drama as top priority. They should never have tried just because others insisted on them doing so.
I should get some sleep.
You know, sometimes I think it’s unfair that people judge others in materialistic ways, but that’s almost never because I feel that it’s morally wrong. I only think so because their act of doing so affects me adversely. The funny thing is that I realised that I judge them in the same way, just less harshly. Who doesn’t want to obtain a good-looking partner? They’d tell me to lower my standards, but have you ever seen me do that?
Even for Chinese, I aim for an official B, but I know that I’d really want that A. I want “A”s for everything because it signifies excellence. I don’t need the A+, that’s beyond excellence. It’s perfection in academia. I’m imperfect in so many ways that it seems almost foolish to wish for something like that.
Some probably think that I’m just saying what I say so that others will make me feel better by telling me that I’m really not that bad. But I tell you now, and I speak true; I don’t have confidence in the way I look. I don’t like the way I look. I cannot thank God for what he has given me in this arena. You ask me why I care for I need not conform to society. I do not know. I only know that you are already a part without the need for effort.
I really should be getting some sleep.
Some people cause itches. Itchy scratchy. As Eugene put is, “You put sugar all over the house, then when the ants come, you say, “EH! Why got ants?!”"
Hello you little chicken wing!
I want you to feel good about yourself, and accept everything, but I know it’s hard. God knows I have my own insecurities that I can’t kick. To you this might seem like a lucridous thing for me to say, because it might seem like it’ll never happen, but I really do want you to… “embrace your inner freak”, as Zach from Heroes once said (I watched Heroes today, don’t give me that look), and I feel horrid when I fail to make you happier. It’s a strange sense of responsibility, friend-wise.
I know you’re not fishing for compliments or comfort here. I feel your frustration and contempt for yourself. And I would like to say that I honestly hope that one day, you’d be able to say, “I think I look fine,” and mean that. Okay, I know I sound crazy. I guess part of it’s up to you as well. I mean, I could always force-feed you apples but you might always like oranges, that kind of thing.
Oh my goodness maybe we should go see shrinks!
I want an A for Chinese too. It just seems a teensy eensy bit impossible, that’s all. As is getting A in everything else.
Oh, yes. When I say, “I should get some sleep” nowdays (especially for the next three weeks), it really means “I can’t get any sleep”. I could, actually. That’s if I completely ignore my studies, which, try as I might, will not happen.
if only people in the syf cast were ALL just HALF as enthusiastic about it as diana. or at least, if they DO dislike it that much, treat it as an obligation that they cant afford to turn away from and come for rehearsals….
hahaha.
dont be a perfectionist my dear girl (easier said than done), it’d only make you feel worse about yourself cos really, no one is perfect. you get blessed with something, something else gets taken away from you. thats the game of life. uh huh.
ants ants ants.
avril – you certainly do think of me in a very, very odd manner. O.o
cherie – mm. you shouldn’t feel such responsiblity towards me, or you’d end up feeling horrible at least 3 days in a week. heh. i think it’s somewhat hypocritical when people say things like “no, it’s okay. you don’t look THAT bad.” when all they’re doing is using a different scale to judge your beauty just because you’re a friend. shouldn’t we all judge everyone with a same criteria?
you know, i’ve actually said that i think i look fine before. fine meaning, “just there”. like, i don’t look as odd as i usually look kind of thing. lol.
this is interesting. once you start going online less, you end up getting more sleep. i’ve been having at least 8 hours of sleep for the past few days because i haven’t bothered to go online unless it was necessary.
kristy – hahaha. thanks for the advice. the perfectionist thing… i think that one’s kind of in-born. harder to change i suppose. what’s the point of doing something unless you do a good job of it, right?
eugene – antsy ant ant.